Live Her Life

Today, things were a little different!  It seemed to be weird!🤔 There was a string of events that took place on Tuesday, 6/12/2018, that shook me.  I will try to explain…

Those that know me, know that I can go to sleep, while holding a conversation and staying involved in the conversation, even while I am sleep.  I can sleep while standing!  When I am tired, my body goes to sleep!  (I can hear my sisters, Briann and Tre’ saying “Yep!”)  Well, here lately, for about 3 weeks, I have been posting stuff on Facebook in the middle of the night/morning, praying for sleep.  Well, I will reveal to you, it was because I was worried.  I know that may be a surprise to some because I am so strong but I am human.  I have been going to the doctors for SEVERAL tests, MRI, sonogram, mammogram, surgeons, etc.  I have had 2 appointments a week for about month.  One week, I had 3 appointments!  Well, needless to say, I was exhausted.  I went on Tuesday for the surgeon to tell me what I already knew.

He said, “YOU DO NOT HAVE CANCER and we are not doing surgery.”  Deep Sigh!  Big Smile!  I was looking dazed and he said, “What’s wrong?  Were you afraid?”  With a faint voice, I said, “No, I knew I didn’t have cancer.”  He said, “Well, Young Lady, continue to do your self-exams every month and unless you notice something, I don’t need to see you back.”  I went to check out at the desk and finally made it to my car.  Those that know me, know I talk to myself. 😁 While sitting in the car, I said, “What’s wrong?  You don’t have cancer, in which you knew that, but you got the final answer, they don’t need to do surgery; what’s the problem?”  I thought, what if I did…What if I did have cancer?  What if I was sick and I was about to embark on a life or death battle?

I use to be fun & have fun; skating, riding motorcycles, working out, hanging out, cutting up,  laughing!!! I am living my life as if I am sick…

About a 1 ½ hours before, I went to the hospital for my appointment, I got a text from my cousin saying that my 50+ year old Aunt Diane, had an accident.  She was working at the church’s summer camp, “Living Her Life,” riding the four-wheeler and had an accident.  My Aunt burst her head on the curb, lost a lot of blood, passed out, had to get staples in her head and fractured her wrist BUT was right back at the camp yesterday.

My mind shifted to her daughter, Jessica.  She got the call while home, relaxing.  Frantic, Jessica ran out of the house while making dinner and left the eggs boiling on the stove.  Remembered the eggs were cooking, Jessica turned around to ensure the house didn’t burn down and they had somewhere to stay when her Mother got out of the hospital and still made it to her Mother and Son (who was also at the camp).  You may be thinking there is nothing unusual about that, huh?  She was going to check on her Mother and Son, right?  Well, Jessica has no vision in one eye and has been struggling with possibly going totally deaf, since about age 5.  However, you would never be able to tell.  She “Live Her Life” to the fullest.  She dresses very nice, get her hair and nails done; she is a Fashionista; Very Stylish!  She put addresses in her navigation system, turn it up LOUD and get where she is trying to go.  I am sure she has issues and get down some times but most people don’t see that because she has her Tuesday cocktails at Razzoos, attend parties, loves music and just go through life, tackling issues as they come.

Yesterday morning, after a GOOD NIGHT’S REST, I began to reevaluate my life.  It seemed that I had become so stagnant!  I began to drive to work and I closed my left eye.  I wanted to see, if it was that difficult to drive with one eye.  I began to identify with my cousin’s issue.  I weaved into someone’s lane and they blew their horn.  I heard the horn so I was able to swerve back into my lane.  But what if I couldn’t hear the horn blow or it was a faint sound because I was hard of hearing.  Jessica has learned to navigate all of this, with no accidents and “Live Her Life” in her disability; now what is your problem, I asked myself.  Why am I always down?  Why is my spirit so low when I am a beautiful, strong, woman; healthy, employed, nearly debt-free?  I have always been resilient and mentally strong; What’s the problem?  Why am I not “Living My Life?”

Well, here lately, life has dealt me a shady hand and some of my choices haven’t been all that great either.  I had lost my voice, my courage and my self-confidence because I was hurt, sad and ashamed.  I had allowed someone else to dictate how my story would possibly end.  Well, this week really helped me to open my eyes and my heart again!  Thank you Jessica and Aunt Diane for being the women that you are.  We tend to look at celebrities and other people outside of our families but people are here, right in our mist, to encourage us along the way.  However, sometime we don’t listen! 😔 I have told you about the cancer scare but it was a series of events that led to that.  I will tell you what happened, in the days to come, if you’re still willing to take this journey with me.  Oh, and I am on the road to “Living My Life”; just watch!

But right now, I am about to go to sleep!  Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – 🤪

Just joking, I didn’t fall asleep on you but if you are interested in reading what started this dialogue about cancer and the series of doctor’s visits, including what’s happening with me and the husband, the babies and all that is going on with Lanora, click the” Follow” button at the bottom and enter your email address.  You will be notified when I post.

I hope you are ready because I am unpacking some STUFF!!!  I am removing some scar tissue from old wounds!  I am going through my own surgery.  And to be honest, it is quite scary but I have some very strong women and men in my corner, holding me up.  So when you get that notification, grab your favorite cocktail and settle in to “Flutter By Life.”   Also, please comment and let me know your thoughts so we can have a discussion and maybe, we can help each other to shed our cocoon.🦋